I like knowing what to expect from day to day. Our daily routine rarely changes. Even the dogs know it and when something is off they are alert. Keeping a routine help keeps my anxiety in check. And then a change in routine happens and the anxiety creeps back in. That's where I am today.
I've spent that last 24 hours going through the motions and in the back of my head thinking this will be the last time for a month that I'll be able to do this. Like putting CT to bed last night. That was tough.
I imagine I would feel differently if I were escaping on a month long vacation and the change in routine would be something pleasant.
It's little things like a change in routine that remind me how comfortable our life is.
How am I doing?
I'm anxious and I have a constant lump in my throat. I think that's pretty damn good considering what is on the horizon. The anticipation of leaving our routine, leaving CT and the pups is weighing on me. And I'm going to miss them desperately as well as the creature comforts of home.
I know there are things that I want to accomplish today and at the moment my mind is in a fog. I'm sort of stumbling through trying to check things off my lists before they blend into the next task and get lost forever.
It will get done. And if it doesn't, oh well. My lists are simply tools to make me feel like I have control of the situation.
What's the plan?
Starting tonight, CT will be spending the week with the Becky, Cory and the boys so Christos and I can get up early to make the 2 hour drive down to Mayo in time for my first pre-op appointment at 7am. I've tried to keep CT's schedule as normal as possible. He'll continue to go to school during the day.
I have test and consult appointments all day tomorrow. We'll be spending the night in a hotel across the street from St. Mary's. I check-in with admissions at 5:45am on Friday. I don't yet know when surgery is scheduled for, I'm assuming I'll get more details at my surgical consults tomorrow. I also don't know how long surgery will last. The few people I've spoken too all had different length surgeries ranging from 2 to 5 to 10 hours.
I expect to be in the ICU at least the first recovery day. Hopefully no longer. I have my sights set on Wednesday for discharge and the road trip home.
Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. I feel the love and I'm humbled by your support.